Okay, it's rant time again.   If you're just here for the sex toy guides and information, you might want to dive into the archives and protect your sensibilities.  If you're just here for the pretty pictures...well this question is probably directed to you.

I'll take a minute to laugh at some of the more ridiculous phrases and some woefully bad phrases.  I normally just let stupid  and intolerant porn marketing pass me by.   It's not the type of porn I buy, it's not the type of porn that I write about, and it's not the type of porn that I want anything to do with.

In the process of setting up a gaming machine, cursing at the devil which is named as Microsoft on this mortal coil, and doing general tweaks - I had a lot of downtime in which to take a look around.   

All I have is a simple question - does anyone really get turned on by the lines below?  Is it just laziness - what worked in the past to get sales will work today?  Is this the way that a man wants to see the experience of sex - objectified, impersonal, with no human element?  Are they just a bunch of fucking assholes?  Was their writing done by people that have a very basic grasp of English and an uncertainty on how to use a thesaurus?  I'm not really sure.  I'll let some of this speak for itself, from the unintentionally hilarious to the idiotic:

...wraps his huge dong into her pie hole and practically chokes on it (how does one wrap a cock, exactly?  I don't think they'd break out the wrapping paper, and I'm not sure that it would bend sufficiently to wrap anything.  I understand what they were trying to get at, but maybe you should try wrapping WITH, and not INTO?  Maybe what we have here is a contortionist cock - now that would be one hell of a niche)

...It’s the extra meaty cock stuffed at the center hole of that pizza. (This is just one of those things that, while not exactly offensive, doesn't exactly make sense.  And I see it ALL the time.  If I had a dick, I'm not sure that I'd want to sit there by steaming hot cheese and sauce.  That's just me, though.  Plus the model just seems dumb in these kinds of scenes:  THERE'S MOTHERFUCKING COCK IN MY PIZZA.  What a surprise! ...sigh)

...tussle with that huge snake and get her meat injections (a big WTF on that one.  How high were you when you came up with that euphuism, exactly?)

...ten inch cock ramming your pussy like a merciless sledgehammer (Because obviously slamming into my cunt like there's no tomorrow is really going to make me cum.  Really!  Now let me get the strap on and do that to your ass, then you can tell me how great it is.  Okay?  Nothing against hard sex at all, just tired of it being reiterated over and over again like its the only way a chick can get off.  And some men wonder why their wives/girlfriends/whatever complain about the sex.  Here's clue number 1, bucko!)

...gaping eyes glued shut (I never understood the fascination with facials.  Do you have any idea how much it sucks to get cum in your eye or up your nose?  I don't begrudge people for liking it, but it does get old after every other site ends every single fucking scene in a facial.)

....get violated like never before (Oh boy, I was hoping for a good violation before work today!  HOORAY!  So some people have violent or rape fantasies.  Keep them fantasies and play a scene with all the proper rules of BDSM conduct and that'd be great.  This is a common term used way too freely, though.)

 

..Talk about true romance.  This hot blonde slut likes it in her butt. (Okay, okay - I'll admit at laughing a bit at the rhyming.  Associating that with true romance though?  That just hurts my head.  Maybe true romance would be not calling her a slut?  Is this thing on..?)

Let's get a few things straight.  I'm not some crazy feminist trying to push my values down your throat (I consider myself sex positive, not feminist).  I do love porn: hardcore, softcore, for women, artistic, eclectic, retro,  BDSM, sex toy/insertions, nerd, glamour, nude art, goth- the list goes on and on.  The thing is, I love porn that is actually interesting and hot as hell.  The message that some of the stuff above sends me is definitely mixed, as mentioned in the italicized comments.

I also don't mind using extremely explicit language.  It just seems like way too many porn purveyors have forgotten that explicit does not have to mean tasteless, classless, corny, or senseless.  This is especially apparent on any site dealing with mild to extreme hardcore material.  Liking it hard, rough, tied up, double penetrated, and so on doesn't mean she's a whoreslutwhateverthehellyouwanttocallit.  It's like that whole double standard that crops up starting from highschool:  Guys that fuck a ton of people are kings of the world, while any woman that dares to sleep with more than one person is condemned to the deepest pits of hell.  Grow up already, this isn't high school anymore!

Am I just in a minority here?  I don't think so.  And it's not because  I'm a female porn connoisseur - there are more than a few men that believe this as well such as the following fine fellows:

Batts is a pornographer that has addressed this kind of thing with a very set philosophy: "I have total respect for all my models and I am really over adult sites that describe their models as, “Dirty Sluts” “Cum Sluts” “See her get Fucked” “Cum Soaked Sluts” that is just degrading. All my models are beautiful in their own unique way and that is how I like to portray them, beautiful and erotic."  So obviously there's enough good guys out there that realize degradation, sloppiness, and intolerance isn't the way to win a porn surfers heart - it's quality.  On a related side note, Batt's site Battsworld, featuring lovely Australian amateurs, is set to launch very soon.

Another man that walks this path is the webmaster at Asiandivagirls.  He treats both content and models with the absolute highest amount of respect you could ever wish for.  Plus if you're into asians, there is a TON of exclusive high quality pictures and videos. 

To wrap this up:  I'm sure there's some people that think I'm just being a picky bitch.  I'll say yes to the bitch part but no to the picky.  Do people really relate to only a base set of emotions when watching sex?  Can all the caveman grunt is cumslutwhore?  Not that I'd be surprised at all - hah.  Am I being too harsh?  Maybe, but come the fuck on - its just out of control lately and a few of choicer bits I chose not to include in this post made me want to just tell the writer of the material to go fuck themselves.  It's just idiotic.  So take this food for thought and do with it what you will.  

A disclaimer: Most of the adult webmasters I get the pleasure of being around and working with are great people.  They are hard working and I can't say that I really blame the ones that continue to use this type of marketing.  If the goal is the bottom line, then I'm assuming that goal is being met admirably or everything would be thrown out the window.  This isn't directed towards a flame to the webmasters, it's to the surfers that continue to buy into the fantasy and really love those types of presentations.